Gridlocked/Transcript
Big City streets (Episode title appears on a street sign hanging from a traffic light pole. Bill is walking dowe the sidewalk.) Bill: Ah, nuthin' like a nice walk to clear my head. Maybe not as relaxin' as back home, but I can just pretend I'm in the country. I got a little nature. (leans against a tree) Ah...tree. (The moment is ruined by a passing taxi which backfires smoke in his face, making him cough.) Angry man: (on phone; passes by) Yeah, and put pepperoni on it! (bumps into Bill) SMOTHER IT IN CHEESE! Hobo: (comes over) Hey, buddy! Wanna buy a beard? Bill: Uh...no thanks. Hobo: Probably a good decision. (leaves) Nagging woman in window: Hey! Your electric guitar is so loud, I can't hear my electric guitar! Nagging man in window: Oh, yeah?! Nagging woman in window: YEAH! (They play their guitars loudly; Bill covers his ears and groans. Shows a mob of businessmen on their phones and teens eating in a car.) Teenage boy: Yeah-heh! Teenagers! Bill: Uh...wha...? (Shows a siren going off, a barking dog, and the buildings getting bigger in delusion as Bill screams.) Green's house, hallway/living room (Bill slams the door open and pants.) Bill: Hmm? (looks at a picture of a deer in the forest on the wall) This guy's got the right idea. (goes to his family in the living room) Hey, everyone! We're takin' a day trip to the country, so get in the truck! Right now! Cricket, Tilly, Gramma: Yaaaaay! Gramma: Shotgun! Bill: No, Ma. You're not gettin' a shotgun. Gramma: Fine! But I'm sittin' up front. Big City expressway (The Kludge is driving on the highway out of Big City) Bill: Ah, can't wait to get back to the country. Calm and quiet, wide-open spaces, and views as far as the eye can see. Everything the city doesn't have. Cricket: Well, we'd better get there soon! (fidgets) Gettin' jittery! Might need to kick a seat! (grunts and kicks his feet) Tilly: Don't fret, Cricket. There's plenty of fun to be had on the road. (looks out the window) Oh, my! Do you see that? (Shows the rears of the cars she watches; they look like faces.) Tilly (OS): All these cars have happy little faces on their butts! (spots one particular car that is dirty) Oh, no. Except for that one! (back to her) It's so dirty, it just wants to be clean! (as the car) "Wash me, Tilly! You gotta wash me!" (normal) I wish I could. Gramma: I know what'll help pass the time: some good ol' fashioned tunes. (She turns on the radio and flips through the stations.) Gramma: Nah...No...NO! (turns radio off) I'm sick of all these new-fangled jumpin' jams! I want a song like me: an oldie, but a goodie. Cricket: UGGGGGHHHHH!!! So...bored!!! Need entertainment...!!! (He looks at a truck next to him and calls out to the driver.) Cricket: Hey, mister! Honk your horn! (mimes honking) Driver: (chuckles) Okay! No harm in that! (He honks, which scares Bill.) Bill: AGH! Geeze, city drivers are so aggressive! (The truck drives away to let another take its place.) Cricket: All right, a second truck! Gimmie some sweet honkage! (Unfortunately, the driver of this truck is not as nice-looking as the one before it; he growls at Cricket.) Cricket: Why isn't he honkin'? C'mon, buddy! Gimmie that toot-toot! (The driver just shakes his head.) Cricket: Oh, so that's how it's gonna be, huh? I'm gonna get a honk outta you whether you like it or not! (mimes honking) Scary driver: (speaks mocking gibberish) Cricket: Honk! That! Horn! (the Kludge stops) Whoa! Bill: Ugh, great. Cricket: What's goin' on, Dad? Why'd we stop? Bill: Everyone stopped, look! (Shows they are in the middle of a huge traffic jam on the highway.) Bill (OS): It's bumper-to-bumper out there! We're totally gridlocked! (back to him) We're like sardines crammed in here! These cement walls are so high, I can barely breath!! Category:Episode Transcript Category:Season 1 Transcripts Category:G Category:A-Z